Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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