you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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