I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
