Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
