filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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