Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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