I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
