she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
