did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
