I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
