the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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