shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is Oprah even human
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize