dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
