Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
