Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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