i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
