So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize