im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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