My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its not stalking. its research.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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