I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
