I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
