when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
