just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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