the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
