Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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