he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
