Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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