On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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