you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
