Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
