That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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