We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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