it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thus making me awesome and them whores
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
