2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize