hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
