just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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