just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
