I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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