she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
