the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
