you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
