Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im holly from the hills drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
