Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
