just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Couch. On fire.
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