All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
