ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
