god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
