She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
