dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
