HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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