Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
