If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
