If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
