If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
