apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
