Are we in a gay sports bar?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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