Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Boobs are out for the taking
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
