I hate your face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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