i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
