I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize