You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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