I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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