you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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