I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
