She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
