i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
