My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
