I heard we made out
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
