If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
